Have you ever walked away from a meeting and said, “Wow, that went amazing, I got to tell them all about me, what I do, what I’m looking for, etc.”?
Now. Have you ever walked away from a meeting and said, “Wow, some people just don’t know when to stop talking.”?
Guess what? The above statements are from the same meeting.
In your opinion, what constitutes an effective meeting? Is it that you get to say everything you can about your product, service, business or even your current position with a company? Or is it when you ask a lot of questions and listen the whole time?
If you’re saying neither and that you need balance, then you’re on the right track. It’s important to understand that a meeting should involve two-way communication. Whether it be questions, answers, or even acknowledgment, there needs to be openings for each party to be involved.
Ask questions to encourage conversation; answer questions thoroughly when given the opportunity; and know when to stop talking.
How to Know When to Shut It
- If you’re fumbling over your words because you’re talking too fast.
- If you have to stop to catch your breath.
- If your mouth becomes so dry you cant swallow.
- If, during your rambling, you forgot the question that was asked.
- If, half way through, all you know about the other person is their name.
- If the other person spends all their time looking at their watch.
I have seen so many opportunities blown because someone didn’t know when to stop talking.
It’s important to understand that although people (in general) like to talk about themselves, it doesn’t have to be ALL in one session. If you share a little, ask a little and show a genuine interest, you will have another shot to share a little bit more, I pretty much guarantee it. So relax and take a breath… 
Your Friend,
Troy Claus
“To do more for the world than the world does for you, that is success” – Henry Ford.
image: tOmsk
My parents taught us how to listen. When I learned that most people don't actually listen, but are thinking about what they're going to say next, I was shocked. It's a very hard thing for me, which is part of the reason I'm seen as shy...it's because I listen and no one really gives me the chance to talk. I had a business dinner the other night that lasted six hours because one of the clients didn't stop talking (and because they ordered four bottles of wine). I wanted to die, thinking about having to get up to ride and everything I had to do the next day. Lisa calls people like that Type OO (output only). And I stopped listening going into hour three.
Hey Gini,
Ugh, thats terrible! Thats actually what inspired my post, Danny and I had a meeting a while back and it was worse than pulling out my own teeth with a rusty vice grips, lol.
Listening is a skill, and you must learn to develop it on an ongoing basis.Coupled with listening comes understanding and more importantly, patience.
Clearly based on the comment you left, you have mastered the art of patience lol! Kudos to you.
P.S- Shy? ya right!
Cheers Gini,
Troy
Hey, I bought wine didn't I............
Very, very frustrating to never have the opporunity to get a word in. If somebody has 'control' of a table, meeting, etc, it's the true master that is able to engage everyone in the conversation. It truly changes the dynamic of the discussion.
Yes, there are pig headed control freaks and it's all about me that don't get it; but there is an art to directing a conversation and incorporating everyone.
Shy? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! :)
Every question we have in life is answered by listening carefully to the answers.
The people who you've describe in "How to Know When to Shut It" are jack-a$^es - any thoughtful semi-intelligent person can see that very clearly. That sucks - eh??
This stupid behavior is typically an attempt to show others how smart you are -- or your just full of yourself and like the sound of your own voice -- either way, If you want to people to think your smart and on the ball, speak little and listen intently. That's usually the smartest person in the room.
Cheers to you Troy : )
LMAO!!
Mark, you always crack me up, we have to make a trip out to your neck of the woods.
I completely agree Mark, "Every question we have in life is answered by listening carefully to the answers."
Conversations seem to becoming more of a showdown, than a genuine exchange of information, sad to say. It seems everyone feels they need the upper hand, and they feel the only way to get it is to spit out as much as they can before you do, so WRONG!
Always a pleasure Mate!
Troy
Hey, let's hop on a Skype call this week -- just ping me...
Well said Troy. Sometimes I think every meeting should include a 30 second moment of silence about half-way through. Not for spiritual reasons, just to make everyone shut up and listen for a few seconds. ;-)
Good stuff man.
Marcus
Hey Marcus,
I agree! I think silence in a conversation/presentation is so powerful and extremely under-utilized. It really allows for the people that are listening to digest what you've been saying and to really make sense of it all.
Cheers Bud,
Troy
So many people just wait for their turn to talk instead of actually listening, Troy. Sad to say I've done it, afraid that thought will expire or run away before I have a chance to voice it. One thing to do if you can, take notes. Write things down. Let's the other person know you're actually listening to what they're saying.
Other ways to know when to shut it: if there are other people in the room, who've never had a chance to speak. If the other people keep "interrupting" you, that might be a dead giveaway that you're monopolizing the conversation. FWIW.
Take notes
Good call Davina. Kinda hard to yap, yap, yap when you're forced to listen and write something down. :-)
Hey Davina,
So true! There have been many times where I have been asked a question (obviously) so that when I was done answering, they could give me their side, annoying, really.
I'm also guilty of it but have taken the necessary steps to ensure that when communicating with others, it's genuine (or I walk away lol). Writing things down, such a great idea and something I should try to do more.
Thanks again Davina,
Troy
Troy, it's a tender balance, talking and listening, isn't it! And not an easy one to maintain. Years ago I read The Six Hat Salesperson and learned a lot about the value of a good question. That changed how I managed selling and nearly everything else in my life. But it is hard not to jump in with what we know rather than wait and hear what they have to say.
Listening is a lost art. When we had a Guest do a post on Listening at the end of January we had a lively conversation and about 96 comments. There was more to it than we realized!
I guess the question is this: Do I want to feel great because I got to talk, or do I want the other person to feel great because they did.
I'm out of breath and my mouth is dry, so I'll stop now! Hey! Are you looking at your watch!?
Man is it so hard to shut up when you know everything................:). The challenge is while you are listening and you know your response, is just to calm down and re-focus on what is being said.
Also, don't feel it is necessary to start blabbering again just because you have a moment of silence. Count to 10 or something and see where it goes.
There is a balance to be had but better to err on asking more thought provoking questions than spewing at the mouth.
I am a talker and my challenge is to shut up and really take the time to listen. At least I'm conscious of it and working very hard to be a better listener. What; what did you say?
Hey Bill,
Thanks for stopping by.
LOL, I agree, it is hard to shut up when you know everything... it's quite apparent with all the "Guru's" out there.
Nice to hear that you've realized that you need to pull back from time to time , it took me a while to learn that too. There seems to be a commonality throughout the comments, that another issue that comes into play here is fearing the silence. It's funny why we fear it so much, if we embraced it, things may just flow better overall.
Cheers,
Troy
Hey Lori,
LOL- No, I'm not looking at my watch.
It's very tough to determine when to stop talking, and start listening. Finding the balance is the key. For me, what it boils down to is really paying attention to the person and their personality, that gives me a better gauge as to what type of communicator they are.
Once you can establish how the other party communicates, then you can tailor your approach to make it work. (most of the time lol)
Cheers,
Troy
Listening, it's a tough one! MDs are now taught to listen, in medical school, after a study found out that they wait an average of 16 seconds before interrupting a patient.
How long do we wait before we interrupt our clients to tell them what WE think?
Thanks for this post Troy. Many times we forget to be silent, and how silence can often mean a lot more than endless drible.
Have a great weekend Troy and the Bonsai team!
Hey John,
You touch on a very important point, "we forget to be silent, and how silence can often mean a lot more than endless dribble."
I've noticed that people are afraid of silence, not only in a conversation, but when presenting as well.
Cheers Pal!
Troy
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